Has it really been 6 weeks?

Since the last post? But I guess it really has. That means that life has been very full which is a very good thing...

Nanc is now back to work at least part time and is slowly but surely gaining more and more strength back. She no longer has to sleep 12 hours every day - just once in a while. We went to Ventura for a 3 day weekend and stayed at a friend's place a the beach. It was our first real vacation since her diagnosis and man did we need that rest. The shot at the right is a view from the deck...

So, along with her strength, the hair is slowly coming back, the neuropathy is slowly dissipating and life is beginning to take on a weird sense of normalcy. I hesitate somewhat to use the word normal at all because everything is slightly different now. Life seems to come with a different edge for both of us that is difficult to explain. I need to formulate that a little more and get back to you.

I do know one thing, if we ever have to go back to Cedars as patient and caregiver it won't be without a fight. I had to stop by the other day to pick up a prescription and was chatting with some of the nurses. I got the chance to fill them in on Nanc's progress which is a very good thing as they get to hear about the fruits of their labors. But I was a little sick to my stomach leaving. No matter how much light they pour in there, no matter how bright the paint and fabrics, it's still a chemo infusion center and the memories are a little too fresh. Or at least they were that day...

Nice hair huh?

We're actually talking about the first haircut - there's a few spots that are slightly out of control you might say. Like her little cow-lick ;-)

Not sure this picture does it enough justice but it's there, trust me. It feels a little like spring actually. And that includes all one looks forward to at that time of the year. Like blooms and blossoms and births.

xoxo

Post Chemo Scan #1

It took place on Dec. 21 and Leuchter read us the results on Thursday - "Normal." No change from her scan the week before chemo started. We sort of figured that nothing could have possible grown in there with all those chemicals...

So, that's the big news. That and there's more hair to report! If you look at it just right, it looks as if Nanc is sporting a Mohawk. All the kids love it. I think it 's kind of hot myself...

















So now it's back to football for the last game of the weekend. And they said New England was gonna fold - their time was up, etc. Excuse me? 26 of 28 passing for Brady?? Are you kidding me??? They just seem to have stepped it up another notch. Good thing I don't bet any more....

xoxo

"I just wish I felt better..."

But she is certainly feeling better than a month ago - that's for sure. Just not as well as she'd like. Funny thing this recovery phase - you have no say in how long it lasts or how it all makes you feel. You can do certain things that are supposed to help but in the long run, you are still captive to the disease and the treatment...

Our friend Kim who underwent treatment for throat cancer suggested the one month at a time outlook. Just look back one month and you'll see progress. Makes sense but man is that slow!!! ;-)

The hair continues to grow and she seems to be able to accomplish just a little more each day/week. Normally a picture would be in order here but I can't seem to get it together at a time when she has make up on...

The neuropathy remains the biggest issue right now. Fine motor skills are still difficult as well as the pain in her feet and fingers. We have another appointment with the pain team next Thursday at 4 and then an appt. with Leuchter at 4:30 to review the scan she had on Dec. 21. Did I forget to mention the scan - the first scan since before chemo?? So sue me...

As for the caregiver in a situation like this, there is a different type of recovery that goes on - at least that I have experienced and what a few others I have talked to have experienced. Funny things happen when you stuff your fear or your grief over a period of time in order to just get through that time. When it's all over, all that stuff starts to bubble up (picture the tar pits) and you find yourself doing and saying things that can be perceived as selfish. I mean look at it this way, you go through an extended period of time doing nothing but thinking about someone else's care 24/7 and you put your stuff on the shelf for that entire time. You try to do a few things for yourself but even when you're doing them you're thinking about your loved one and your life as you used to know it.

And you can keep it all together somehow until things slow down and your insides catch up with you and say "Remember us? Well, you abandoned us 6 months ago and now we want some attention!"

That's when the patient gets to give something back and it becomes that give and take relationship you had before the diagnosis. It finally hit me the other day and I said to Nanc "I just can't cook one more thing or do one more dish." So what did she do? She started unloading the dishwasher. Just having her doing certain things with me again really helps the spiritual healing...

xoxo

All I want for Christmas...

...is a full head of hair! But we are making progress!!!! Check it out...














Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas and a healthy New Year. We have much to be grateful for. Let's not mess it up...

xoxo

5:00 Shadow

That's about the most fitting description of Nancy's hair right now. Traditionally, "a five o'clock shadow is beard growth visible late in the day on a man whose face was clean-shaven in the morning. The term comes from the traditional nine-to-five workday hours."

So maybe this would be better termed a "6 month shadow." Whatever we decide to call it, the good news is that it is real hair, very short, very soft but hair nonetheless. She is certainly making progress in that area. I am trying to get a picture posted here but that may be a bit tough. She's very protective on certain things....

Not much else to report. The neuropathy is still as bad as ever and we met with the pain team yesterday. They are going to try a different approach as the Lyrica doesn't seem to be doing much. So we'll give this new approach a month and see if she gets any relief.

During our visit to Cedars yesterday, we always like to stop by the infusion center to see the nurses. They like it when patients stop by so they can see them when they are mending as well. It does their hearts a lot of good to see the positive results sometimes.

Yesterday we ran into someone at the infusion center that I have seen around here and there. We sort of looked at each other like I know I know you. Once we got past the obligatory pleasantries, Nanc and I found out that his wife is back for her second round. Not second round as in second round of her current treatment. She's back for her first treatment of her second time around, as in her cancer has come back.

Nanc doesn't like talking about it but it is a realty. My heart just about broke watching them as she was going to get weighed in, knowing what was in store. You could sense the dread in her steps.

Once she heard that, we were out of there in a flash.

xoxo

So why so few posts lately?

I'm not sure if it's out of guilt or not, but I feel like I owe everyone an explanation as to why the frequency of the posts has slowed considerably since Nanc's treatments were done. You may not feel like you need one but I feel like I need to give you one anyway...

In a nutshell, it's because it's all about the recovery process now and like I told you last time - it's similar to watching grass grow. To say that Nanc gets frustrated with her progress would be an understatement...

So - rather than run the risk of being majorly redundant, I am waiting until we have some real news to report. That plus I am trying to get caught up at work...

xoxo

It's Official - We have Peach Fuzz!

I verified that fact last night. And it didn't require a magnifying glass either ;-)

It's coming in very evenly, very light in color right now and peach fuzz is just about the best phrase to describe how it feels. Her eyebrows are beginning to come back and a few small eyelashes were spotted as well making their appearance. You could almost hear Stravinskiy's Rite of Spring in the background....

And Erin Carr - thanks for posting a couple of weeks ago. It's good to know you're doing well. Erin was one of Nancy's angels at Cedars who is now doing a stint at John's Hopkins. Click here to see her picture in case you don't remember her.

I really which that there was more to report after such a long absence but this part of her recovery is like watching grass grow sometimes. Each day seems to bring very small advances overall. she is still experiencing pretty bad neuropathy and fatigue. It's funny how you get used to taking 2 hours to just eat and shower in the morning but that's what it's like these days. With little or no feeling in her hands, be careful if you sit next to her while she's eating. You just never know when her fork might just fall out of her hand. We are staying away from soup for the time being.

So, that's all the news that's fit to print. Say a prayer if you think of it for all cancer patients who may be struggling with their disease...

xoxo