The most recent scan that Nanc had in January had those 5 very important words in the results, "No evidence of metastatic disease." Whew.... Now if I could just get her to call and schedule the procedure to remove the damn ports!
Even after all this time, you still get nervous. I think that once you've had cancer, you are never really totally free of it emotionally or spiritually.
During our last visit with Leuchter I peeked into the infusion center and had to walk out immediately as I felt sick to my stomach. Nanc wouldn't even peek her head in.
So we move on and hope for more eggs each spring. Love to you all...
Friday, February 22, 2013
Saturday, April 10, 2010
A New Beginning or Spring at Last!
I know this has absolutely nothing to do with cancer or Nancy's health - which is quite good these days. The last scan back in December was clear and the CA 125 tests remain at 6 so it can't get any better...
But this is about a happening in our yard that we wanted to share. We usually get some visitors each spring to the backyard being that we are so close to a wildlife preserve. We have been successful at keeping the ducks from making house in the yard - up until this year that is...
Here's mom. She was persistent, I will give her that. I must have tried chasing her away at least a half a dozen times and thought I had won. She was the one who was victorious with a nest under the lavender...
See mom's eggs:
How cool is that!
But this is about a happening in our yard that we wanted to share. We usually get some visitors each spring to the backyard being that we are so close to a wildlife preserve. We have been successful at keeping the ducks from making house in the yard - up until this year that is...
Here's mom. She was persistent, I will give her that. I must have tried chasing her away at least a half a dozen times and thought I had won. She was the one who was victorious with a nest under the lavender...
See mom's eggs:
See empty eggs on Saturday, April 10:
See ducks swim...
How cool is that!
Monday, May 25, 2009
Two Years
So the two year "cancer free " milestone seems to have come and gone without too much fanfare. (I can't believe it's been two years!) We just may be a little superstitious about bringing too much attention to the fact - who knows...
And it took almost this entire time for Nanc to finally feel good again. What with the neuropathy still hanging on and the medications for that, it has taken a real balancing act and a whole lot of trial and error to get it all working together. We had one scary moment in the ER in December. But I think that experience really showed her where she needed to be putting more of her energies in her recovery.
Just the other day, we were discussing once again how our lives can change so dramatically in a heart beat. There we were, two years ago, in our little routine and enjoying ourselves for the most part. Then wham - just like that. Life has not been the same since nor do we think it ever will be. And not in a bad way either - but definitely in a richer and more meaningful way.
I've heard it said that pain is the touchstone of all spiritual growth. This would certainly hold true in this instance...
So thank you all once again for your prayers, your thoughts and all your help these past two years. We would not be where we are today without you!!!
And it took almost this entire time for Nanc to finally feel good again. What with the neuropathy still hanging on and the medications for that, it has taken a real balancing act and a whole lot of trial and error to get it all working together. We had one scary moment in the ER in December. But I think that experience really showed her where she needed to be putting more of her energies in her recovery.
Just the other day, we were discussing once again how our lives can change so dramatically in a heart beat. There we were, two years ago, in our little routine and enjoying ourselves for the most part. Then wham - just like that. Life has not been the same since nor do we think it ever will be. And not in a bad way either - but definitely in a richer and more meaningful way.
I've heard it said that pain is the touchstone of all spiritual growth. This would certainly hold true in this instance...
So thank you all once again for your prayers, your thoughts and all your help these past two years. We would not be where we are today without you!!!
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Scan Results from September 11...
Straight from the horse's mouth:
"CONCLUSION: No significant change from 12/21/2007. No evidence of metastatic disease."
That big gust of wind that emanated from the Hollywood Freeway north bound near Sunset Blvd. at about 6:10 pacific time tonight was me finally taking a breath and letting it out. To say that Nanc is relieved would be more than a very big understatement.
And if you haven't had a chance to check out the Stand Up 2 Cancer web site - you should. Research funding has been on the decline at an alarming rate. So browse on over and donate! And while you're at it, search for Nancy's star- Nancy Wren is case you've forgotten.
And while I'm at it, there is a new star for Joan Duffy (here maiden name.) Joan is a former employee whom I've known for over 20 years. She recently underwent a bone marrow transplant as part of her treatment for chemo induced leukemia. She developed the leukemia from chemotherapy for breast cancer. And if she is half as tough as I remember her, she is quite a warrior herself. (I found a good article here that explains this weird process...)
Keep the faith!
xoxo
"CONCLUSION: No significant change from 12/21/2007. No evidence of metastatic disease."
That big gust of wind that emanated from the Hollywood Freeway north bound near Sunset Blvd. at about 6:10 pacific time tonight was me finally taking a breath and letting it out. To say that Nanc is relieved would be more than a very big understatement.
And if you haven't had a chance to check out the Stand Up 2 Cancer web site - you should. Research funding has been on the decline at an alarming rate. So browse on over and donate! And while you're at it, search for Nancy's star- Nancy Wren is case you've forgotten.
And while I'm at it, there is a new star for Joan Duffy (here maiden name.) Joan is a former employee whom I've known for over 20 years. She recently underwent a bone marrow transplant as part of her treatment for chemo induced leukemia. She developed the leukemia from chemotherapy for breast cancer. And if she is half as tough as I remember her, she is quite a warrior herself. (I found a good article here that explains this weird process...)
Keep the faith!
xoxo
Monday, July 14, 2008
Just a moment...
So there we were, just sitting in the back yard, eating dinner. We had just cleaned off the back patio and were enjoying the last bites of our dinner while just taking in the flowers in the garden and the size of the cherry tomato plants. I turned to Nanc and said that it was moments such as this that we didn't get to enjoy for over a year. And now we are beginning to enjoy them some 13 months later.
So there you have it, a slice of normalcy? Just a moment that wasn't able to slip through all these months. And we actually enjoyed it - together!
xoxo
So there you have it, a slice of normalcy? Just a moment that wasn't able to slip through all these months. And we actually enjoyed it - together!
xoxo
Saturday, May 24, 2008
One year later
So, here we are, exactly one year later. One haircut later...
A number of friends say, "You should be out celebrating!"
It's hard to describe the emotions of being exactly one year out from the diagnosis and 7 months out of treatment. There are still many reminders everyday that this fight is far from over. It's hard to celebrate when you can feel both ports and suffer the peripheral neuropathy the way Nanc does. And then there's the odds given by her doctor. 70/30 - that's the way he put it. Those odds get better every year he said, but the reality is, 70/30.
I think the feeling is that by celebrating too much, we would be giving the cancer more power over our life than it deserves. I think that there is an unspoken reverence for it but I think there is the fear that by celebrating this soon, it may be almost like taunting its return - if that makes any sense.
That really sounds kind of morbid - I know. Where's that positive attitude that we can beat this thing? Oh that's still there, believe me. It's just that the day to day battle is the single, most important thing right now. And those days will eventually add up to years - and then we can kiss it good-bye. But not until...
xoxo
A number of friends say, "You should be out celebrating!"
It's hard to describe the emotions of being exactly one year out from the diagnosis and 7 months out of treatment. There are still many reminders everyday that this fight is far from over. It's hard to celebrate when you can feel both ports and suffer the peripheral neuropathy the way Nanc does. And then there's the odds given by her doctor. 70/30 - that's the way he put it. Those odds get better every year he said, but the reality is, 70/30.
I think the feeling is that by celebrating too much, we would be giving the cancer more power over our life than it deserves. I think that there is an unspoken reverence for it but I think there is the fear that by celebrating this soon, it may be almost like taunting its return - if that makes any sense.
That really sounds kind of morbid - I know. Where's that positive attitude that we can beat this thing? Oh that's still there, believe me. It's just that the day to day battle is the single, most important thing right now. And those days will eventually add up to years - and then we can kiss it good-bye. But not until...
xoxo
Sunday, May 11, 2008
A Haircut as Triumph
Whoa. So far only 3 posts in 2008 and we are already into May! We had 77 posts in 6 months last year. I'm not sure what that means - I will let you come to your own conclusions and post your thoughts...
So I have found a new description for how cancer invades your life. I used to describe it as one's life being a ship in the night and you collide with a large submerged object that cracks your hull. You take the evasive action, close off the sections of the ship that are taking on water and list back to port for repairs. You hope...
Well my new one goes something like this: (Thanks to Ellen Faulk for the inspiration)
Cancer takes your life as if it were a piece of paper and tears it into a million little pieces. Then it tosses it up in the air and takes skeet practice with it as it is falling to the ground, turns and walks away without the slightest look or comment and leaves you to then pick up the pieces.
There is an additional element to this whole scenario that Nanc and I have recently discovered. That is that the caregiver is often times the one picking up the pieces and trying to fit it all back together. This can be out of a sense of responsibility or just out of a sheer desire to protect the loved one who means so much to them, that they forgo everything in the pursuit of victory over the cancer and a return to normalcy for the patient.
At least that's what it feels like sometimes. I mean we should be celebrating as it will be one year on May 24 that she had the surgery. In about 2 weeks she will be cancer free for one year. And here we are, just now beginning to put some of the emotional pieces back together. A tribute to our survival skills...
Okay, so back to the haircut. The first haircut took place about 2 weeks ago at the same place that she had her head shaved the first time. David was very pleased with the fact that her hair is so fine and healthy and not coarse like some other chemo patients that he has seen. the result looks great - check it out! Quite a difference from August and September I would say...
So what's going on physically? In general, the worst thing has to be the neuropathy and managing the uncomfortability and the pain. She's tried lots of different things that we described previously. Everything that's been tried up to this point has had some measure of success but not without a price.
If you think about all the chemo, all the supplements, all the lyrica, all the neurontin, the blood count booster, etc., et., etc. , you come up with a list of stuff a mile long and then some! The approach discussed the other day is to try and cut back on some things and see if that helps her overall energy level. Some of the things she takes for the neuropathy have a tendency to make you fatigued and the chemo supplies plenty of that - even after 6 months! So we will monitor the hands and feet the next week or so and see what happens. If she can tolerate any change, then she is hoping to get back a little energy and overall clarity.
I think that some of the weird sensations she gets in her feet are the nerves doing their regeneration thing. She has described it as someone putting pressure on the bottoms of her feet. She also experiences some tingling and involuntary twitching.
So, did I happen to mention that I gained a ton of weight last year but have been able to lose almost 60 pounds since October? It's amazing what you can do if you just eat three meals a day...
That is about all the important stuff from the left coast that I can think of for now.
As our friend Frank used to say, "Keep the faith!"
xoxo
So I have found a new description for how cancer invades your life. I used to describe it as one's life being a ship in the night and you collide with a large submerged object that cracks your hull. You take the evasive action, close off the sections of the ship that are taking on water and list back to port for repairs. You hope...
Well my new one goes something like this: (Thanks to Ellen Faulk for the inspiration)
Cancer takes your life as if it were a piece of paper and tears it into a million little pieces. Then it tosses it up in the air and takes skeet practice with it as it is falling to the ground, turns and walks away without the slightest look or comment and leaves you to then pick up the pieces.
There is an additional element to this whole scenario that Nanc and I have recently discovered. That is that the caregiver is often times the one picking up the pieces and trying to fit it all back together. This can be out of a sense of responsibility or just out of a sheer desire to protect the loved one who means so much to them, that they forgo everything in the pursuit of victory over the cancer and a return to normalcy for the patient.
At least that's what it feels like sometimes. I mean we should be celebrating as it will be one year on May 24 that she had the surgery. In about 2 weeks she will be cancer free for one year. And here we are, just now beginning to put some of the emotional pieces back together. A tribute to our survival skills...
Okay, so back to the haircut. The first haircut took place about 2 weeks ago at the same place that she had her head shaved the first time. David was very pleased with the fact that her hair is so fine and healthy and not coarse like some other chemo patients that he has seen. the result looks great - check it out! Quite a difference from August and September I would say...
So what's going on physically? In general, the worst thing has to be the neuropathy and managing the uncomfortability and the pain. She's tried lots of different things that we described previously. Everything that's been tried up to this point has had some measure of success but not without a price.
If you think about all the chemo, all the supplements, all the lyrica, all the neurontin, the blood count booster, etc., et., etc. , you come up with a list of stuff a mile long and then some! The approach discussed the other day is to try and cut back on some things and see if that helps her overall energy level. Some of the things she takes for the neuropathy have a tendency to make you fatigued and the chemo supplies plenty of that - even after 6 months! So we will monitor the hands and feet the next week or so and see what happens. If she can tolerate any change, then she is hoping to get back a little energy and overall clarity.
I think that some of the weird sensations she gets in her feet are the nerves doing their regeneration thing. She has described it as someone putting pressure on the bottoms of her feet. She also experiences some tingling and involuntary twitching.
So, did I happen to mention that I gained a ton of weight last year but have been able to lose almost 60 pounds since October? It's amazing what you can do if you just eat three meals a day...That is about all the important stuff from the left coast that I can think of for now.
As our friend Frank used to say, "Keep the faith!"
xoxo
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Has it really been 6 weeks?
Since the last post? But I guess it really has. That means that life has been very full which is a very good thing...
Nanc is now back to work at least part time and is slowly but surely gaining more and more strength back. She no longer has to sleep 12 hours every day - just once in a while. We went to Ventura for a 3 day weekend and stayed at a friend's place a the beach. It was our first real vacation since her diagnosis and man did we need that rest. The shot at the right is a view from the deck...
So, along with her strength, the hair is slowly coming back, the neuropathy is slowly dissipating and life is beginning to take on a weird sense of normalcy. I hesitate somewhat to use the word normal at all because everything is slightly different now. Life seems to come with a different edge for both of us that is difficult to explain. I need to formulate that a little more and get back to you.
I do know one thing, if we ever have to go back to Cedars as patient and caregiver it won't be without a fight. I had to stop by the other day to pick up a prescription and was chatting with some of the nurses. I got the chance to fill them in on Nanc's progress which is a very good thing as they get to hear about the fruits of their labors. But I was a little sick to my stomach leaving. No matter how much light they pour in there, no matter how bright the paint and fabrics, it's still a chemo infusion center and the memories are a little too fresh. Or at least they were that day...
Nice hair huh?
We're actually talking about the first haircut - there's a few spots that are slightly out of control you might say. Like her little cow-lick ;-)
Not sure this picture does it enough justice but it's there, trust me. It feels a little like spring actually. And that includes all one looks forward to at that time of the year. Like blooms and blossoms and births.
xoxo
Nanc is now back to work at least part time and is slowly but surely gaining more and more strength back. She no longer has to sleep 12 hours every day - just once in a while. We went to Ventura for a 3 day weekend and stayed at a friend's place a the beach. It was our first real vacation since her diagnosis and man did we need that rest. The shot at the right is a view from the deck...So, along with her strength, the hair is slowly coming back, the neuropathy is slowly dissipating and life is beginning to take on a weird sense of normalcy. I hesitate somewhat to use the word normal at all because everything is slightly different now. Life seems to come with a different edge for both of us that is difficult to explain. I need to formulate that a little more and get back to you.
I do know one thing, if we ever have to go back to Cedars as patient and caregiver it won't be without a fight. I had to stop by the other day to pick up a prescription and was chatting with some of the nurses. I got the chance to fill them in on Nanc's progress which is a very good thing as they get to hear about the fruits of their labors. But I was a little sick to my stomach leaving. No matter how much light they pour in there, no matter how bright the paint and fabrics, it's still a chemo infusion center and the memories are a little too fresh. Or at least they were that day...Nice hair huh?
We're actually talking about the first haircut - there's a few spots that are slightly out of control you might say. Like her little cow-lick ;-)
Not sure this picture does it enough justice but it's there, trust me. It feels a little like spring actually. And that includes all one looks forward to at that time of the year. Like blooms and blossoms and births.
xoxo
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Post Chemo Scan #1
It took place on Dec. 21 and Leuchter read us the results on Thursday - "Normal." No change from her scan the week before chemo started. We sort of figured that nothing could have possible grown in there with all those chemicals...
So, that's the big news. That and there's more hair to report! If you look at it just right, it looks as if Nanc is sporting a Mohawk. All the kids love it. I think it 's kind of hot myself...
So now it's back to football for the last game of the weekend. And they said New England was gonna fold - their time was up, etc. Excuse me? 26 of 28 passing for Brady?? Are you kidding me??? They just seem to have stepped it up another notch. Good thing I don't bet any more....
xoxo
So, that's the big news. That and there's more hair to report! If you look at it just right, it looks as if Nanc is sporting a Mohawk. All the kids love it. I think it 's kind of hot myself...
So now it's back to football for the last game of the weekend. And they said New England was gonna fold - their time was up, etc. Excuse me? 26 of 28 passing for Brady?? Are you kidding me??? They just seem to have stepped it up another notch. Good thing I don't bet any more....
xoxo
Sunday, January 6, 2008
"I just wish I felt better..."
But she is certainly feeling better than a month ago - that's for sure. Just not as well as she'd like. Funny thing this recovery phase - you have no say in how long it lasts or how it all makes you feel. You can do certain things that are supposed to help but in the long run, you are still captive to the disease and the treatment...
Our friend Kim who underwent treatment for throat cancer suggested the one month at a time outlook. Just look back one month and you'll see progress. Makes sense but man is that slow!!! ;-)
The hair continues to grow and she seems to be able to accomplish just a little more each day/week. Normally a picture would be in order here but I can't seem to get it together at a time when she has make up on...
The neuropathy remains the biggest issue right now. Fine motor skills are still difficult as well as the pain in her feet and fingers. We have another appointment with the pain team next Thursday at 4 and then an appt. with Leuchter at 4:30 to review the scan she had on Dec. 21. Did I forget to mention the scan - the first scan since before chemo?? So sue me...
As for the caregiver in a situation like this, there is a different type of recovery that goes on - at least that I have experienced and what a few others I have talked to have experienced. Funny things happen when you stuff your fear or your grief over a period of time in order to just get through that time. When it's all over, all that stuff starts to bubble up (picture the tar pits) and you find yourself doing and saying things that can be perceived as selfish. I mean look at it this way, you go through an extended period of time doing nothing but thinking about someone else's care 24/7 and you put your stuff on the shelf for that entire time. You try to do a few things for yourself but even when you're doing them you're thinking about your loved one and your life as you used to know it.
And you can keep it all together somehow until things slow down and your insides catch up with you and say "Remember us? Well, you abandoned us 6 months ago and now we want some attention!"
That's when the patient gets to give something back and it becomes that give and take relationship you had before the diagnosis. It finally hit me the other day and I said to Nanc "I just can't cook one more thing or do one more dish." So what did she do? She started unloading the dishwasher. Just having her doing certain things with me again really helps the spiritual healing...
xoxo
Our friend Kim who underwent treatment for throat cancer suggested the one month at a time outlook. Just look back one month and you'll see progress. Makes sense but man is that slow!!! ;-)
The hair continues to grow and she seems to be able to accomplish just a little more each day/week. Normally a picture would be in order here but I can't seem to get it together at a time when she has make up on...
The neuropathy remains the biggest issue right now. Fine motor skills are still difficult as well as the pain in her feet and fingers. We have another appointment with the pain team next Thursday at 4 and then an appt. with Leuchter at 4:30 to review the scan she had on Dec. 21. Did I forget to mention the scan - the first scan since before chemo?? So sue me...
As for the caregiver in a situation like this, there is a different type of recovery that goes on - at least that I have experienced and what a few others I have talked to have experienced. Funny things happen when you stuff your fear or your grief over a period of time in order to just get through that time. When it's all over, all that stuff starts to bubble up (picture the tar pits) and you find yourself doing and saying things that can be perceived as selfish. I mean look at it this way, you go through an extended period of time doing nothing but thinking about someone else's care 24/7 and you put your stuff on the shelf for that entire time. You try to do a few things for yourself but even when you're doing them you're thinking about your loved one and your life as you used to know it.
And you can keep it all together somehow until things slow down and your insides catch up with you and say "Remember us? Well, you abandoned us 6 months ago and now we want some attention!"
That's when the patient gets to give something back and it becomes that give and take relationship you had before the diagnosis. It finally hit me the other day and I said to Nanc "I just can't cook one more thing or do one more dish." So what did she do? She started unloading the dishwasher. Just having her doing certain things with me again really helps the spiritual healing...
xoxo
Sunday, December 23, 2007
All I want for Christmas...
...is a full head of hair! But we are making progress!!!! Check it out...
Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas and a healthy New Year. We have much to be grateful for. Let's not mess it up...
xoxo
Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas and a healthy New Year. We have much to be grateful for. Let's not mess it up...
xoxo
Saturday, December 15, 2007
5:00 Shadow
That's about the most fitting description of Nancy's hair right now. Traditionally, "a five o'clock shadow is beard growth visible late in the day on a man whose face was clean-shaven in the morning. The term comes from the traditional nine-to-five workday hours."
So maybe this would be better termed a "6 month shadow." Whatever we decide to call it, the good news is that it is real hair, very short, very soft but hair nonetheless. She is certainly making progress in that area. I am trying to get a picture posted here but that may be a bit tough. She's very protective on certain things....
Not much else to report. The neuropathy is still as bad as ever and we met with the pain team yesterday. They are going to try a different approach as the Lyrica doesn't seem to be doing much. So we'll give this new approach a month and see if she gets any relief.
During our visit to Cedars yesterday, we always like to stop by the infusion center to see the nurses. They like it when patients stop by so they can see them when they are mending as well. It does their hearts a lot of good to see the positive results sometimes.
Yesterday we ran into someone at the infusion center that I have seen around here and there. We sort of looked at each other like I know I know you. Once we got past the obligatory pleasantries, Nanc and I found out that his wife is back for her second round. Not second round as in second round of her current treatment. She's back for her first treatment of her second time around, as in her cancer has come back.
Nanc doesn't like talking about it but it is a realty. My heart just about broke watching them as she was going to get weighed in, knowing what was in store. You could sense the dread in her steps.
Once she heard that, we were out of there in a flash.
xoxo
So maybe this would be better termed a "6 month shadow." Whatever we decide to call it, the good news is that it is real hair, very short, very soft but hair nonetheless. She is certainly making progress in that area. I am trying to get a picture posted here but that may be a bit tough. She's very protective on certain things....
Not much else to report. The neuropathy is still as bad as ever and we met with the pain team yesterday. They are going to try a different approach as the Lyrica doesn't seem to be doing much. So we'll give this new approach a month and see if she gets any relief.
During our visit to Cedars yesterday, we always like to stop by the infusion center to see the nurses. They like it when patients stop by so they can see them when they are mending as well. It does their hearts a lot of good to see the positive results sometimes.
Yesterday we ran into someone at the infusion center that I have seen around here and there. We sort of looked at each other like I know I know you. Once we got past the obligatory pleasantries, Nanc and I found out that his wife is back for her second round. Not second round as in second round of her current treatment. She's back for her first treatment of her second time around, as in her cancer has come back.
Nanc doesn't like talking about it but it is a realty. My heart just about broke watching them as she was going to get weighed in, knowing what was in store. You could sense the dread in her steps.
Once she heard that, we were out of there in a flash.
xoxo
Friday, December 7, 2007
So why so few posts lately?
I'm not sure if it's out of guilt or not, but I feel like I owe everyone an explanation as to why the frequency of the posts has slowed considerably since Nanc's treatments were done. You may not feel like you need one but I feel like I need to give you one anyway...
In a nutshell, it's because it's all about the recovery process now and like I told you last time - it's similar to watching grass grow. To say that Nanc gets frustrated with her progress would be an understatement...
So - rather than run the risk of being majorly redundant, I am waiting until we have some real news to report. That plus I am trying to get caught up at work...
xoxo
In a nutshell, it's because it's all about the recovery process now and like I told you last time - it's similar to watching grass grow. To say that Nanc gets frustrated with her progress would be an understatement...
So - rather than run the risk of being majorly redundant, I am waiting until we have some real news to report. That plus I am trying to get caught up at work...
xoxo
Monday, December 3, 2007
It's Official - We have Peach Fuzz!
I verified that fact last night. And it didn't require a magnifying glass either ;-)
It's coming in very evenly, very light in color right now and peach fuzz is just about the best phrase to describe how it feels. Her eyebrows are beginning to come back and a few small eyelashes were spotted as well making their appearance. You could almost hear Stravinskiy's Rite of Spring in the background....
And Erin Carr - thanks for posting a couple of weeks ago. It's good to know you're doing well. Erin was one of Nancy's angels at Cedars who is now doing a stint at John's Hopkins. Click here to see her picture in case you don't remember her.
I really which that there was more to report after such a long absence but this part of her recovery is like watching grass grow sometimes. Each day seems to bring very small advances overall. she is still experiencing pretty bad neuropathy and fatigue. It's funny how you get used to taking 2 hours to just eat and shower in the morning but that's what it's like these days. With little or no feeling in her hands, be careful if you sit next to her while she's eating. You just never know when her fork might just fall out of her hand. We are staying away from soup for the time being.
So, that's all the news that's fit to print. Say a prayer if you think of it for all cancer patients who may be struggling with their disease...
xoxo
It's coming in very evenly, very light in color right now and peach fuzz is just about the best phrase to describe how it feels. Her eyebrows are beginning to come back and a few small eyelashes were spotted as well making their appearance. You could almost hear Stravinskiy's Rite of Spring in the background....
And Erin Carr - thanks for posting a couple of weeks ago. It's good to know you're doing well. Erin was one of Nancy's angels at Cedars who is now doing a stint at John's Hopkins. Click here to see her picture in case you don't remember her.
I really which that there was more to report after such a long absence but this part of her recovery is like watching grass grow sometimes. Each day seems to bring very small advances overall. she is still experiencing pretty bad neuropathy and fatigue. It's funny how you get used to taking 2 hours to just eat and shower in the morning but that's what it's like these days. With little or no feeling in her hands, be careful if you sit next to her while she's eating. You just never know when her fork might just fall out of her hand. We are staying away from soup for the time being.
So, that's all the news that's fit to print. Say a prayer if you think of it for all cancer patients who may be struggling with their disease...
xoxo
Thursday, November 15, 2007
One Small Step for Nancy...
...one giant leap for her recovery. (I don't know. Maybe a bit corny. Maybe change it later before you publish it.)
So on my way home, in the middle of what seems to be coming a regular 90+ minute commute and an endless stream of Springsteen on my iPod, Nanc reported feeling "peppy." Now that's a new one. I can't remember her ever using the word peppy before. But hey, I am certainly not going to argue over the word choice. I'm tickled pink that she's "peppy." That means she's making progress.
You can hear it in her voice.
So, it may be a little thing, but it's pretty huge if you think about it a bit and put it into perspective over the last 5 months. She certainly wasn't feeling any too peppy back in the middle of July...
xoxo
So on my way home, in the middle of what seems to be coming a regular 90+ minute commute and an endless stream of Springsteen on my iPod, Nanc reported feeling "peppy." Now that's a new one. I can't remember her ever using the word peppy before. But hey, I am certainly not going to argue over the word choice. I'm tickled pink that she's "peppy." That means she's making progress.
You can hear it in her voice.
So, it may be a little thing, but it's pretty huge if you think about it a bit and put it into perspective over the last 5 months. She certainly wasn't feeling any too peppy back in the middle of July...
xoxo
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
A New Normal
I know, I know, it's been a while. Consider it a good thing, generally speaking. For me, I have been trying like mad to get caught up at work so I have not had too much time to sit and type. For Nanc, she thinks she should be feeling better by now at 4 weeks since her last treatment.
So what about this "new normal" thing? I heard it said that living with cancer, no matter where you are with it in terms of your treatment, your recovery, your whatever, you have to get used to the devil sitting on your shoulder - you have to make friends with it...
I'll let that sink in for a minute - I had to think about it for a while when I first heard it.
Right now, Nancy's biggest battle is with the fatigue and the neuropathy. So what exactly is peripheral neuropathy?
"Peripheral neuropathy describes damage to the peripheral nervous system, the vast communications network that transmits information from the brain and spinal cord (the central nervous system) to every other part of the body. Peripheral nerves also send sensory information back to the brain and spinal cord, such as a message that the feet are cold or a finger is burned. Damage to the peripheral nervous system interferes with these vital connections. Like static on a telephone line, peripheral neuropathy distorts and sometimes interrupts messages between the brain and the rest of the body.
"Because every peripheral nerve has a highly specialized function in a specific part of the body, a wide array of symptoms can occur when nerves are damaged. Some people may experience temporary numbness, tingling, and pricking sensations (paresthesia), sensitivity to touch, or muscle weakness."
I think I've mentioned a couple of times before that Nanc has been experiencing this for quite some time. Sometimes she can't even pet the dogs because it feels so weird. The difference is that now it seems to have rocketed to some new dimension that makes it difficult to button shirts, put on a necklace or stand in one place without wobbling. Try walking without any feeling in your toes sometime...
That pretty much describes it. They can't predict when chemo therapy induced neuropathy will reverse itself. the time it takes varies widely from one person to another. So we've been in touch with the pain team in terms of the medication for it and we just doubled her dosage and will see how that goes for now.
And colder weather has a way of magnifying it quite a bit. Sunday was a chilly day by LA standards - maybe 60 - and she was in quite a bit of pain versus a day like today at 85 or so.
And the fatigue. I am almost jealous how she can sleep 12 hours at a clip. I haven't done that since staying up for 2 days straight many, many years ago. But each day lately, it seems to get just a tad better.
So anyway, we had an appointment at Cedars today for her first port flush. You need to access and flush the port so so it doesn't get clogged up. Kind of like an oil change which needs to get done once a month. We stopped by the infusion center and said hi to a few of the nurses. They all commented on how good she looked. So, no matter how she feels, the experts say she is looking very good....
I happen to agree with them.
xoxo
So what about this "new normal" thing? I heard it said that living with cancer, no matter where you are with it in terms of your treatment, your recovery, your whatever, you have to get used to the devil sitting on your shoulder - you have to make friends with it...
I'll let that sink in for a minute - I had to think about it for a while when I first heard it.
Right now, Nancy's biggest battle is with the fatigue and the neuropathy. So what exactly is peripheral neuropathy?
"Peripheral neuropathy describes damage to the peripheral nervous system, the vast communications network that transmits information from the brain and spinal cord (the central nervous system) to every other part of the body. Peripheral nerves also send sensory information back to the brain and spinal cord, such as a message that the feet are cold or a finger is burned. Damage to the peripheral nervous system interferes with these vital connections. Like static on a telephone line, peripheral neuropathy distorts and sometimes interrupts messages between the brain and the rest of the body.
"Because every peripheral nerve has a highly specialized function in a specific part of the body, a wide array of symptoms can occur when nerves are damaged. Some people may experience temporary numbness, tingling, and pricking sensations (paresthesia), sensitivity to touch, or muscle weakness."
I think I've mentioned a couple of times before that Nanc has been experiencing this for quite some time. Sometimes she can't even pet the dogs because it feels so weird. The difference is that now it seems to have rocketed to some new dimension that makes it difficult to button shirts, put on a necklace or stand in one place without wobbling. Try walking without any feeling in your toes sometime...
That pretty much describes it. They can't predict when chemo therapy induced neuropathy will reverse itself. the time it takes varies widely from one person to another. So we've been in touch with the pain team in terms of the medication for it and we just doubled her dosage and will see how that goes for now.
And colder weather has a way of magnifying it quite a bit. Sunday was a chilly day by LA standards - maybe 60 - and she was in quite a bit of pain versus a day like today at 85 or so.
And the fatigue. I am almost jealous how she can sleep 12 hours at a clip. I haven't done that since staying up for 2 days straight many, many years ago. But each day lately, it seems to get just a tad better.
So anyway, we had an appointment at Cedars today for her first port flush. You need to access and flush the port so so it doesn't get clogged up. Kind of like an oil change which needs to get done once a month. We stopped by the infusion center and said hi to a few of the nurses. They all commented on how good she looked. So, no matter how she feels, the experts say she is looking very good....
I happen to agree with them.
xoxo
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Hair Debate Rages On...
Not that I want to down play the fact that things are changing - don't get me wrong. But Nanc and I seem to completely disagree on exactly how much hair has come back so far. One thing we can certainly agree on however, is the fact that the going is definitely slow. Today is day 19 since her last treatment and the longest she has gone since June without an infusion. So, one would expect things to change, even if just a little.
However, I am just not sensing the same hair growth that Nanc is saying that she feels. Now I am just as much an idealist as the next person and I have admitted that it is softer than it has been since she shaved it. But, (and I know she would tell you differently, but once again I have the keyboard,) it's awfully hard to see...
Hair debate aside, the neuropathy lingers with some small changes. Last night she mentioned that her hands felt better but the feet still hurt quite a bit. That makes her unsteady on her feet and leaves her legs weak. She got down on a knee in the pharmacy the other day and collapsed to both knees and had a hard time getting up. Sure makes shopping a real adventure...
She's been complaining of some pain in her abdomen which from her description is the peritoneal area where they dumped all that chemo - 12 treatments but who's counting? We will watch that closely over the next couple of days and see if it continues. Ipubrofen seems to help - Aleve doesn't touch it.
Anyone want a nearly full bottle of Aleve, cheap??
xoxo
However, I am just not sensing the same hair growth that Nanc is saying that she feels. Now I am just as much an idealist as the next person and I have admitted that it is softer than it has been since she shaved it. But, (and I know she would tell you differently, but once again I have the keyboard,) it's awfully hard to see...
Hair debate aside, the neuropathy lingers with some small changes. Last night she mentioned that her hands felt better but the feet still hurt quite a bit. That makes her unsteady on her feet and leaves her legs weak. She got down on a knee in the pharmacy the other day and collapsed to both knees and had a hard time getting up. Sure makes shopping a real adventure...
She's been complaining of some pain in her abdomen which from her description is the peritoneal area where they dumped all that chemo - 12 treatments but who's counting? We will watch that closely over the next couple of days and see if it continues. Ipubrofen seems to help - Aleve doesn't touch it.
Anyone want a nearly full bottle of Aleve, cheap??
xoxo
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Is that hair I see?
Or more to the point, that Nancy feels. "Here, come feel my peach fuzz..." It's a big deal really! Hair growing on her head for the first time since June...
Today was about the best day emotionally in a while. It has been hard, even harder than we thought it was going to be. It's hard to remember that there is a certain period of detoxification that has to take place and that alone can make a person feel very out of sorts - not to mention make you want to climb out of your skin! Felicia from the pain team told her to go easier on herself and to give it time. Try to remember what you've just been through and don't expect quick improvement. Chemo therapy just isn't that way....
There was some joking around tonight which felt really good. Even if I was the target tonight - who cares. To hear her laugh was a relief given what the past couple of weeks have been like emotionally. So I'll take it any way I can get it.
I am happy to report that the Springsteen concert last night at the LA Sports Arena was, well, electrifying as always. Old school audience pushing for the old stuff but he did a lot of the new stuff and I prefer it live to be honest. The song list really highlighted things like truth and honesty, integrity, broken dreams and love - always love. Next time around, I'm doing both nights - or better yet - do the opening night in Asbury Park!
Today would have been day one of round 7. If I was a betting man, I would give you even odds that by this time in a couple of weeks, we will begin to see marked improvement in the neuropathy. But heck, I'm just a cook...
xoxo
Today was about the best day emotionally in a while. It has been hard, even harder than we thought it was going to be. It's hard to remember that there is a certain period of detoxification that has to take place and that alone can make a person feel very out of sorts - not to mention make you want to climb out of your skin! Felicia from the pain team told her to go easier on herself and to give it time. Try to remember what you've just been through and don't expect quick improvement. Chemo therapy just isn't that way....
There was some joking around tonight which felt really good. Even if I was the target tonight - who cares. To hear her laugh was a relief given what the past couple of weeks have been like emotionally. So I'll take it any way I can get it.
I am happy to report that the Springsteen concert last night at the LA Sports Arena was, well, electrifying as always. Old school audience pushing for the old stuff but he did a lot of the new stuff and I prefer it live to be honest. The song list really highlighted things like truth and honesty, integrity, broken dreams and love - always love. Next time around, I'm doing both nights - or better yet - do the opening night in Asbury Park!
Today would have been day one of round 7. If I was a betting man, I would give you even odds that by this time in a couple of weeks, we will begin to see marked improvement in the neuropathy. But heck, I'm just a cook...
xoxo
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Blinders needed...
blind·er (bl
n
d
r)n.
1. blinders A pair of leather flaps attached to a horse's bridle to curtail side vision. Also called blinkers.
2. Something that serves to obscure clear perception and discernment.
3. Following Dr. Leuchter's advice to look straight ahead. Do not look to either side. Let him worry about the cancer and you move straight ahead and live your life.
So much easier said than done - but necessary nonetheless.
That is the short version of our visit with Dr. Leuchter yesterday. The long version was Nancy telling him that she didn't like the 70/30 odds and him telling her not to think about chances or odds or anything but getting better. We re-adjusted all her medications, cut out 5 or 6 things now that chemo is over, kept a few and made appointments for a scan and a port flushing.
Her catheter port needs to be flushed monthly and fresh heparin added to keep it from getting clogged up. We will have to get this done monthly for as long as the port is left in. And you will remember that they like to leave it in as long as possible, just in case...
Some people have these things for years from what I understand. It certainly makes infusions and blood draws easier that's for sure. We found out that they will plan blood tests from now on to coincide with the flushing so she only has to get stuck once.
So, we wait and see what happens with the neuropathy, wait for the hair to grow back and try to keep up with all the new TV shows. I much prefer those options to what we were looking at just a couple of weeks ago...
xoxo
3. Following Dr. Leuchter's advice to look straight ahead. Do not look to either side. Let him worry about the cancer and you move straight ahead and live your life.
So much easier said than done - but necessary nonetheless.
That is the short version of our visit with Dr. Leuchter yesterday. The long version was Nancy telling him that she didn't like the 70/30 odds and him telling her not to think about chances or odds or anything but getting better. We re-adjusted all her medications, cut out 5 or 6 things now that chemo is over, kept a few and made appointments for a scan and a port flushing.
Her catheter port needs to be flushed monthly and fresh heparin added to keep it from getting clogged up. We will have to get this done monthly for as long as the port is left in. And you will remember that they like to leave it in as long as possible, just in case...
Some people have these things for years from what I understand. It certainly makes infusions and blood draws easier that's for sure. We found out that they will plan blood tests from now on to coincide with the flushing so she only has to get stuck once.
So, we wait and see what happens with the neuropathy, wait for the hair to grow back and try to keep up with all the new TV shows. I much prefer those options to what we were looking at just a couple of weeks ago...
xoxo
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Next!!!???
Good question and I'm glad you asked....
So, the last treatment is now but a not too distant memory and Nanc is left "holding the bag" as it were. They told her early on that if it became difficult to button her blouse or jeans, that would be the point they would stop the Taxol and move her to a straight IV protocol. Well guess what, that came about this weekend. Damn if they didn't know just how much to dump into her system at just the right time.
So, phase 2 is now officially about getting her put back together so she stops dropping everything and can be trusted with carrying anything breakable across the kitchen. And driving. Nanc tried driving on Friday and nearly rear-ended somebody. We are in search of a pair of shoes that will not make her feet hurt so much but will allow at least enough feeling so she can tell the gas pedal from the brake pedal...
Our next appointment is with Leuchter this Wednesday to discuss exactly what we do next. They will definitely be taking some blood as her platelets were so low last week. It they are not up to a decent level, she will have to have a platelet transfusion.
Based on the topics of a lot of our discussions lately, I have a feeling that our lives will become much simpler in the months to come. We have been discussing making a few changes based on some "shifting" priorities. One of them will more than likely involve getting into a smaller house. It's at the discussion stage right now but the idea of a smaller mortgage sure looks attractive...
Stay tuned....
xoxo
So, the last treatment is now but a not too distant memory and Nanc is left "holding the bag" as it were. They told her early on that if it became difficult to button her blouse or jeans, that would be the point they would stop the Taxol and move her to a straight IV protocol. Well guess what, that came about this weekend. Damn if they didn't know just how much to dump into her system at just the right time.
So, phase 2 is now officially about getting her put back together so she stops dropping everything and can be trusted with carrying anything breakable across the kitchen. And driving. Nanc tried driving on Friday and nearly rear-ended somebody. We are in search of a pair of shoes that will not make her feet hurt so much but will allow at least enough feeling so she can tell the gas pedal from the brake pedal...
Our next appointment is with Leuchter this Wednesday to discuss exactly what we do next. They will definitely be taking some blood as her platelets were so low last week. It they are not up to a decent level, she will have to have a platelet transfusion.
Based on the topics of a lot of our discussions lately, I have a feeling that our lives will become much simpler in the months to come. We have been discussing making a few changes based on some "shifting" priorities. One of them will more than likely involve getting into a smaller house. It's at the discussion stage right now but the idea of a smaller mortgage sure looks attractive...
Stay tuned....
xoxo
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