But she is certainly feeling better than a month ago - that's for sure. Just not as well as she'd like. Funny thing this recovery phase - you have no say in how long it lasts or how it all makes you feel. You can do certain things that are supposed to help but in the long run, you are still captive to the disease and the treatment...
Our friend Kim who underwent treatment for throat cancer suggested the one month at a time outlook. Just look back one month and you'll see progress. Makes sense but man is that slow!!! ;-)
The hair continues to grow and she seems to be able to accomplish just a little more each day/week. Normally a picture would be in order here but I can't seem to get it together at a time when she has make up on...
The neuropathy remains the biggest issue right now. Fine motor skills are still difficult as well as the pain in her feet and fingers. We have another appointment with the pain team next Thursday at 4 and then an appt. with Leuchter at 4:30 to review the scan she had on Dec. 21. Did I forget to mention the scan - the first scan since before chemo?? So sue me...
As for the caregiver in a situation like this, there is a different type of recovery that goes on - at least that I have experienced and what a few others I have talked to have experienced. Funny things happen when you stuff your fear or your grief over a period of time in order to just get through that time. When it's all over, all that stuff starts to bubble up (picture the tar pits) and you find yourself doing and saying things that can be perceived as selfish. I mean look at it this way, you go through an extended period of time doing nothing but thinking about someone else's care 24/7 and you put your stuff on the shelf for that entire time. You try to do a few things for yourself but even when you're doing them you're thinking about your loved one and your life as you used to know it.
And you can keep it all together somehow until things slow down and your insides catch up with you and say "Remember us? Well, you abandoned us 6 months ago and now we want some attention!"
That's when the patient gets to give something back and it becomes that give and take relationship you had before the diagnosis. It finally hit me the other day and I said to Nanc "I just can't cook one more thing or do one more dish." So what did she do? She started unloading the dishwasher. Just having her doing certain things with me again really helps the spiritual healing...
xoxo
