Is that hair I see?

Or more to the point, that Nancy feels. "Here, come feel my peach fuzz..." It's a big deal really! Hair growing on her head for the first time since June...

Today was about the best day emotionally in a while. It has been hard, even harder than we thought it was going to be. It's hard to remember that there is a certain period of detoxification that has to take place and that alone can make a person feel very out of sorts - not to mention make you want to climb out of your skin! Felicia from the pain team told her to go easier on herself and to give it time. Try to remember what you've just been through and don't expect quick improvement. Chemo therapy just isn't that way....

There was some joking around tonight which felt really good. Even if I was the target tonight - who cares. To hear her laugh was a relief given what the past couple of weeks have been like emotionally. So I'll take it any way I can get it.

I am happy to report that the Springsteen concert last night at the LA Sports Arena was, well, electrifying as always. Old school audience pushing for the old stuff but he did a lot of the new stuff and I prefer it live to be honest. The song list really highlighted things like truth and honesty, integrity, broken dreams and love - always love. Next time around, I'm doing both nights - or better yet - do the opening night in Asbury Park!

Today would have been day one of round 7. If I was a betting man, I would give you even odds that by this time in a couple of weeks, we will begin to see marked improvement in the neuropathy. But heck, I'm just a cook...

xoxo

Blinders needed...

blind·er (blndr)

n.

1. blinders A pair of leather flaps attached to a horse's bridle to curtail side vision. Also called blinkers.

2. Something that serves to obscure clear perception and discernment.
3. Following Dr. Leuchter's advice to look straight ahead. Do not look to either side. Let him worry about the cancer and you move straight ahead and live your life.

So much easier said than done - but necessary nonetheless.

That is the short version of our visit with Dr. Leuchter yesterday. The long version was Nancy telling him that she didn't like the 70/30 odds and him telling her not to think about chances or odds or anything but getting better. We re-adjusted all her medications, cut out 5 or 6 things now that chemo is over, kept a few and made appointments for a scan and a port flushing.

Her catheter port needs to be flushed monthly and fresh heparin added to keep it from getting clogged up. We will have to get this done monthly for as long as the port is left in. And you will remember that they like to leave it in as long as possible, just in case...

Some people have these things for years from what I understand. It certainly makes infusions and blood draws easier that's for sure. We found out that they will plan blood tests from now on to coincide with the flushing so she only has to get stuck once.

So, we wait and see what happens with the neuropathy, wait for the hair to grow back and try to keep up with all the new TV shows. I much prefer those options to what we were looking at just a couple of weeks ago...

xoxo

Next!!!???

Good question and I'm glad you asked....

So, the last treatment is now but a not too distant memory and Nanc is left "holding the bag" as it were. They told her early on that if it became difficult to button her blouse or jeans, that would be the point they would stop the Taxol and move her to a straight IV protocol. Well guess what, that came about this weekend. Damn if they didn't know just how much to dump into her system at just the right time.

So, phase 2 is now officially about getting her put back together so she stops dropping everything and can be trusted with carrying anything breakable across the kitchen. And driving. Nanc tried driving on Friday and nearly rear-ended somebody. We are in search of a pair of shoes that will not make her feet hurt so much but will allow at least enough feeling so she can tell the gas pedal from the brake pedal...

Our next appointment is with Leuchter this Wednesday to discuss exactly what we do next. They will definitely be taking some blood as her platelets were so low last week. It they are not up to a decent level, she will have to have a platelet transfusion.

Based on the topics of a lot of our discussions lately, I have a feeling that our lives will become much simpler in the months to come. We have been discussing making a few changes based on some "shifting" priorities. One of them will more than likely involve getting into a smaller house. It's at the discussion stage right now but the idea of a smaller mortgage sure looks attractive...

Stay tuned....

xoxo

So what is a platelet anyway?

Or why would we have to ask that question in the first place?

10:15 am
Arrived a little late this morning but made it just the same. There was some anxiety, a few tears, but we got the day going, port accessed and took blood. They always test before proceeding with chemo. Results today show good white and red cell counts but very low platelets. We can't proceed until we get the rest of the results back and talk to the Dr. So far in her treatment, it's about the only side effect of the chemo that hadn't shown up so far. I guess it was waiting for just the right moment and then take center stage right when we had everything else in order...

So, what is a platelet? From wikipedia:

"Platelets or thrombocytes are the cell fragments circulating in the blood that are involved in the cellular mechanisms of primary hemostasis leading to the formation of blood clots. Dysfunction or low levels of platelets predisposes to bleeding, while high levels, although usually asymptomatic, may increase the risk of thrombosis. An abnormality or disease of the platelets is called a thrombocytopathy."

"A normal platelet count in a healthy person is between 150,000 and 400,000 per mm³ of blood (150–400 x 10⁹/L). 95% of healthy people will have platelet counts in this range. Some will have statistically abnormal platelet counts while having no abnormality, although the likelihood increases if the platelet count is either very low or very high."

Nancy's count was 75,000 this morning. Chemotherapy is famous for having this effect. So we sit and wait....

10:40 am
It's a go. A normal count for chemo patients is 100,000 we were told, so Nanc's 75k is not so bad that we have to delay. Grace started her pre-meds and should start the chemo by noon or so. They will however monitor the count in a week and depending on the result, may or may not have to order a platelet transfusion.

One of the more difficult things that some cancer patients have to deal with is the emotional fallout of having a life threatening illness hanging over their head. It is a challenge some days to stay positive when there's so much negative in the news, on TV, etc.

And someone explain this one to me please - why do people always want to share their nightmare stories with you when you are going through a life changing experience like this? It happened when Nanc got pregnant the first time. "I remember my first pregnancy. It was a total nightmare! I gained 75 pounds, had a 72 hour labor and then they wound up doing a c-section..."

It is so important to stay present and positive - I can't even begin to tell you how much...

12:05 pm
IP port accessed and Paclitaxel is on its way. Nanc rests while I try and get some work done.

1:30 pm
Chemo almost done. Should be drained by about 2:00 is my guess. I got a buck that says 1:55.

2:05 pm
Damn - missed it by 10. Oh well, so much for my gambling... BUT - that's 18 in the bank ladies and gentlemen!

2:15 pm Half of an egg salad sandwich and a few Sun Chips for lunch, 500ml of hydration more and we get to go home.

3:30
Said our good-byes. Lots of hugs and encouragement for Nanc from the nurses. On the way home she did admit that a weight was lifted today but not until we walked out the door. I don't think she appreciates the magnitude of what she just finished. Is the right word accomplished? It could be. She came through a very, very tough protocol, still standing. Not steady all the time, but standing and willing to help the next woman in line. Don't anyone ever let tell you she's not tough....

I didn't get a picture of everyone stuffing their faces today but the sure did enjoy the cupcakes. I offered one to the nutritionist and wish I had a picture of her reaction. She's a vegan...

6:00 pm
Nanc is resting and Atley and I are watching the news and getting dinner ready. It would almost seem like a normal night if it weren't for what has gone on for the last 5 months and what will be with us for a very long time. The trick is to not let the cancer run your life. And just like that, we now have to go about the business of living life...

xoxo

Chemoed Out

Or is it chemo'd out? Whichever way you want to spell it, it is the one word that best describes how Nancy has been feeling the last couple of days. General fatigue still, (hell - she slept 14 hours Friday night!) and all the rest of the usual side effects all rolled up into that general feeling that she summed up as "chemoed out." And those are her own words by the way...

Back at Cedars Saturday for the last hydration of the week. Last chemo this coming Tuesday, 2 hydrations on Wednesday and Thursday and that will bring this protocol to an end ladies and gentlemen.

More to come on that later. I was thinking today about the future of this blog once treatment ends next week. I will for sure post updates on scans and blood tests. I am hoping Nanc will post once in a while as well. It has certainly been a huge help in keeping everyone updated and saved us countless phone calls these last 5 months. I am looking forward to getting back to some sort of "regular life" - whatever that may be post-chemo. I can't say "post cancer" for at least 3 years I am told. I have also heard some mention that you're not officially cancer free for 5 to 10 years. We're going with Leuchter's time line of 3 years.

It's going to be interesting to see what effect all of this has on how we live our lives in the months and years to come. Maybe I'll start writing about that. On second thought, how boring. It will remain Nancy's cancer blog and all that it entails, pre, post, in the middle - whatever...

All that aside, I am finding it hard to believe that we are at the end of this phase. It seemed at times like it would never end, that there was no way she was gong to get through it. Hell, 5 months later, we are both still finding it hard to believe that all of this happened in the first place!

More updates to come from the infusion center on Tuesday with a picture or 2 of the staff and their cupcakes. We are taking cupcakes to say thank you. It's a very small way of trying to say thank you for such a huge help they all have been. I can't imagine what it would have been like if she had gone anywhere else...

xoxo

I Lost the Title

Somewhere on the ride home. I had it but it flew out the window somewhere between downtown and when I stopped to get gas. And it was a perfect lead in for what went on the last few days. I am going to have to start writing this stuff down....

Anyway, 'whoa' is a word that seems appropriate. Fatigue - big time. The cumulative effect of all that chemo seems to have kicked in and has had Nanc down for the count yesterday and today. Even her last overnight stay and the two treatments took more out of her than it has before. She also complained tonight of some nausea which hasn't happened since I don't know when. Complain isn't quite the right word - maybe 'mentioned' is a better way to describe it. Yeah - she 'mentioned' in passing that she felt like crap...

However, you can now count the remaining appointments on one hand. Of course that doesn't mean squat to her when she's feeling like this. But we know it will pass eventually.

Say hi to nurse Cheryl. Cheryl pretty much runs things over in the clinic area for Leuchter. I think I mentioned before that if I am having trouble with getting a prescription filled or with and appointment time, Cheryl knows how to get things done! She always has a big smile and hugs for her patients.

Right after I took this shot, at least three other nurses came by and wanted a piece of the action. It's amazing the sense of humor in the face of all that disease. I guess you have to have it else you'd go crazy working around it all the time. I know I would. Hell a good cancer joke now and then lightens up the heaviness! Did you hear the one about....

xoxo

On Your Mark...

Get set...

GO!

And she's off.

Round 6 started this afternoon and will finish up next Tuesday. What more can be said about that?

Well now that you mention it, I will say one thing. There is just no way that Nanc could have gotten through this without each and every one of you. That includes the meals, the rides, the calls, the cards, the encouragement, the prayers, the laughter and the hugs, the advice, the tips, the commitment to care, the quiet confidence, the quiet visits, the quiet thoughts, the sure hands, the warm smiles, the concern, the love... So how do we ever begin to give some of that back? Well, it started today.

We have a friend who recently found out that he has squamous cell cancer. It is a form of skin cancer that got into one of his lymph nodes. They got all the cancer during surgery but don't know the source. So he will be undergoing radiation and chemo for 7 weeks starting in about 2 weeks.

So, we gave him and his wife a tour of the cancer center today and introduced them to a few of the nurses. I think it helped break the ice for them and gave them some hope. I remember how desperate you can feel when you are first given the news and how muck like a deer in the headlights you feel like when you have to come into a place like this for the first time. I think they left with a little less fear of the whole process before he has to start.

So that's how we are going to start giving something back. Nanc said today on the way into her treatment that she is ready to start reaching out to some women who are having a hard time. She wasn't ready up until now as she was just trying to get through her own hard time.

And once Nanc puts her mind to something, well you know...

xoxo

Untitled

I was trying to think of what to title the post that introduces Nanc's last round of treatment and this was the best I could do. So much has been said, so much has happened and so much water has passed under the bridge that the best I can do is just say that we will all be relieved when this is over....

So tomorrow at 4 starts round 6. We are officially no longer the newcomers. Just so looking forward to the end.

I will bring you all updates as the treatments progress over the next 8 days. And I have to remember to get a picture of Cheryl!

xoxo

A Visit with Leuchter - What Now??

So, with only one treatment left, what's next? That's what was discussed with Dr. Leuchter yesterday at our between treatment appointment. After all, next week starts round 6 and then Nanc's last chemo treatment is scheduled for October 16. Cheryl calls it "Graduation Day." (I keep forgetting to get her picture. I have found that if I really need to get something done - Cheryl is the one to call. And she always does it with a smile...)

Okay - so here's the deal as laid out by Dr. Leuchter yesterday. They will monitor Nanc after the chemo is done with scans, blood tests, etc. First at 2 or 3 months and then periodically for 3 years.

Here is where the oncologists are so sneaky - they tell you just enough to get you through each phase of the disease. When she was first told she had a growth they said, "Oh it's probably nothing. We'll go in, take a look, it's more than likely benign." Then when they confirm it's cancer, they admit they had a suspicion, probably even knew it was cancer, but again, they tell you just enough so you can survive each phase.

So then they told her that she has an excellent prognosis for a complete cure based on the surgery and the chemo protocol. No problem - that hope certainly got her through the last 4 months of hell. What they didn't tell her is that there is also a 30% chance that it will come back. Of course they wait until the end to tell you this stuff and I get why they do it that way. There is just no way she would have put up with half the crap she put up with these past months if she had an inkling that there is a 30% chance it'll come back.

So, will the glass be half empty or half full? Last night it was half empty for minute or two. I know it's weighing heavy on her mind right now. It still hasn't fully sunk in for me yet. So I'm still in the full recovery mode and hoping I don't hear echoes of that other shoe coming my way...

One would think - just think positive, right? It's not that simple or easy to do all the time. Those uncertainties are going to creep in and take over sometimes. The good news is that this course of treatment is almost done and she is doing very well all things considered. Once again it comes down to staying in the moment - all is good right here, right now and we have much for which we can be grateful...

xoxo