Acceptance

So, it's been 5 days since I last reported any news and I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. But it is a 'thing' nonetheless.

So, how is Nancy doing? That depends on who you ask and when you ask. If you ask me or one of the kids, we will tell you that she is doing quite well the last couple of days. I won't deny that the last IP Taxol treatment hasn't been tough on her, because it has. She's been in some pain and discomfort from the neuropathy and the general, overall horrible feeling from the cumulative effect of all the treatments.

It gets a little old and tiring on her. She admitted tonight that if she didn't have an excellent prognosis she probably wouldn't want to go through what she's gone through this past week any longer. And I can't say I blame her either to be honest.

However, I am grateful that it's something we don't have to consider. She will finish her treatments. She may try and tell Dr. Leuchter that she won't. But he'll give her that fatherly gin, put his hand on her shoulder and she'll turn into silly putty in seconds and she will go on. The alternative is just not an option right now...

So, to get back to the original question, how is Nancy? If you ask Nancy how Nancy is doing, you might get an "okay" or a "not bad." Being in the funk of chemo, it's hard to tell - it's that chemo relativity thing again. I think it's because she wants to feel, or at least is expecting to feel like she used to feel. And that ain't happenin' right now...

But more than just the yucky stuff and the pain and the discomfort, acceptance of the disease and her condition would make it easier to swallow. She even admitted to that tonight on the way home after a little spiritual hiking in Sherman Oaks...

"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.

"Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."

And we think that applies to the cancer as well...

xoxo